This week started off so well. I felt a change in my life that was gonna be for the better. But now everything was taken away. I wasn’t accepted into the music program at my future college and my heart was broken to millions of pieces. Everything I knew has just completely flipped upside down this week. Silly me for thinking my life was getting better.
Broken, I have been broken, shattered, into millions of tiny pieces. The fear that surreptitiously encroached upon me was real. Like an earthquake, it shook everything in my life. It shook everything I once knew. What I knew as comfort is gone. My lighthouse, the beacon of hope, has crumbled. My anchor detached from the ship. My rock went downstream. I feel an immense amount of pain right now. Eventually I will feel better, I suppose. My heart has been stabbed, my feeling trampled over. I clung on to fleeting hope that what I feared wouldn’t be so. Now what? At this moment I am not okay. I can barely move. I can barely smile. The clouds have covered the sun, my sun. But no longer can I cling to that notion. The person I opened up to the most, the person that I felt most comfortable with, the person that made me feel safe…is no longer mine. The walls that were let down, the walls that were destroyed, must be rebuild. I gave him my heart, and he stepped on it. Not a soul shall be allowed to get behind these fortified walls. In order to protect myself, it must be done. To give someone else the chance to hurt me would be a mistake. I let you in, I revealed myself to you, and you destroyed me. The sky is dark, and the night is beginning. The horizon is bleak, the darkness hugs the trees. I am broken. and at the moment, I am not okay.